ProtectiveParenting.net Forum Support

The Protective Parenting Forum is in its final stages of preparation.

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Are you interested in joining?

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Are you tired of feeling alone?

Do you long to be around other people who can understand you?

Do you need a private place to write?

Do you cherish the feedback you can get from other non-offending parents of sexually abused children?

Have you considered joining an online support group?

Are you looking for an economical way to get more support on a daily basis?

???????

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For about $10 per week (or $1.50 per day, or $45 per month) you can get daily group support!!

In the safety of a private forum

Supervised by an experienced trauma therapist!

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While most in-person groups cost $25-$75 per group session, and meet for 1-2 hours per week,

this online support group is available all day, everyday of the entire year.

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Is $1.50 per day too much to pay for 24 hours of therapeutic group support?

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Be kind to yourself.

You will need your own ongoing support in order to be strong and supportive to your children.

While your child’s healing is important, what about you too??!

Your healing, your comfort, your peace of mind is priceless.

It’s worth it.

For both you and your child.

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PROTECTIVE PARENTING.NET FORUM SUPPORT
www.ProtectiveParenting.net

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There’s a membership waiting just for you.

Protective Mothers that Fight for their Sexually Abused Children

This blog article is a tribute to the mothers out there in the world that have spent huge chunks of their lives fighting for the safety / healing of their sexually abused children.  These women are incredible spirits and are an inspiration to us all.

I know mothers who have absolutely gone the distance for their children.  These women don’t get thanked often, but I do want to let them know that they are appreciated, recognized and deeply valued.

These mothers do a lot of things right.

• They listen attentively to their children, even if hearing the horror stories of sexual abuse breaks their heart.  They want to know what happened, and no matter how hard it is to hear, they listen to every single word.
• These mothers have clearly done a good job building communication with their children even before this point.  Children have to know that it is ok to tell – “telling the secret” is often one of the biggest barriers in children getting help from their abuse.  The children have to have someone safe to tell, someone they trust, someone that they can rely on to help them.  If the mother hasn’t already built that kind of relationship with her children, she has drastically lowered the chances that her children will ever tell her their deepest secrets of abuse.  Mothers that are approachable will
• These inspirational mothers do what it takes to protect their children from abusers, including leaving the perpetrator in whatever way is necessary – divorce, moving to another area of the country, going into a shelter, etc.
• They take assertive strong legal action against the perpetrator such as filing a report with child protective services, filing protective orders, pressing charges against the offender.
• They withstand the pressure and lack of support from other friends and family members who may, for whatever reasons, oppose taking a strong stance against the perpetrator.  These mothers know that protecting their children is more important than the approval of family members who want to hide embarrassing issues in the closet.
• These mothers are dedicated to finding helpful resources for their children’s therapy and treatment for sexual abuse.  This is not always an easy task, and it might require a great deal of persistence, but these mothers will persist, for as long as it takes. (If you need assistance in finding support or help, please contact Kathy at AbuseConsultants.com.  There are helpful resources available for you and your children, no matter where you live.)
• These mothers sit with their children as they cry, they comfort their children after nightmares, they let their children cling to them when “being away from mommy” feels too scary.  These mothers recognize that their children have been crime victims, that they have PTSD from their abuse, and that their neediness has skyrocketed.  Good mothers let it be ok that their children need this extra time and attention to rebuild their emotional security again.
• These mothers are strong for their children, even when their heart is breaking.  They get their own personal support system to help with their intense emotions (believe me, being the mother of an abused child is a highly emotional situation), and they find a way, place, and time to talk about their own grief and anger so that they can be present and available for their children.
• These mothers are brave enough to honestly assess the situation, and to look closely at how their children got tangled in an abusive situation.  They learn from whatever mistakes were made, and correct them.  They think back to see if there were any warning signs or high-risk factors that they missed, and learn how to handle things differently now that they are aware of the abuse.  They figure out what to do in the future to keep their children safe from being abused in that particular way ever again.
• These mothers spend hours and hours of time with their children, even if they are acting-out and emotionally distraught from the abuse they suffered.  The mothers temper their discipline with deep understanding that their children are acting out of their hurt, fear, pain, anger, etc.  These moms realize that their children’s behavioral issues are not about the children being “bad”.
• These mothers provide new and positive activities for their children to help boost their tattered self-esteem and body image.  They find recreational activities, or artistic activities, etc that give their children healthy feelings of acceptance, accomplishment, mastery, positive self-worth, creativity, growth, etc.
• Protective mothers will do everything in their power to help their children overcome the long-term negative effects of childhood sexual abuse.  They are determined to not leave their children to suffer in silence and isolation.  These mothers actively attend their needs, provide comfort, and help their children move forward as healthy, productive members of society.

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Helping children recover from sexual abuse can be a long, difficult process, but if non-offending mothers are not willing to be protective and helpful for their children, the negative affects of the abuse can multiply and worsen through the years.  Untreated sexual abuse issues lead to all kinds of additional complicating factors such as addictions, promiscuity, self harm, depression, anxiety, mental health issues, repeated involvement in destructive relationships, angry behavior, destructive behavior, sexual acting out, hospitalizations, additional abuse, dissociative disorders, etc.  The cost of untreated sexual abuse truly multiplies exponentially over time.

Mothers that are willing to help and protect their children as close to the injury-point as possible are helping their children in the here-and-now, and creating a permanent and positive effect on their children’s lives.  These mothers are also making a positive difference that can have a positive influence on society for years to come.

For those mothers that are willing to protect their children, here are my very best wishes that today is the most wonderful Mother’s Day for you.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for helping your children.  You truly deserve a good day today!

Happy Mother’s Day!!!

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By:

Kathy Broady LCSW

www.AbuseConsultants.com

www.SurvivorForum.com

*Office sessions available for those that live near the Dallas Texas area.

*Online support and phone consultations available for those who live anywhere else.

Protective Parenting Forum

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Do you have a child that has been sexually abused?

Are you overwhelmed by the amount of stress that this situation has created for yourself and your family?

Do you need more support of your own?

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The Protective Parenting Forum is near its final stages of development.   Early Registrations are accepted now.

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If you are interested in participating in this forum, please comment on this blog, or contact Kathy Broady’s office, or check back here for further updates.

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Protective Parenting Forum

Led by Kathy Broady LCSW

with www.AbuseConsultants.com

972-395-2110

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This Protective Parenting Forum will be for non-offending parents only.

DALLAS – Fort Worth Sex Offender Statistics

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A recent count from the sex offender registry link at The Texas Department of Public Safety,
( https://records.txdps.state.tx.us/DPS_WEB/SorNew/index.aspx ) has shown the following counts:

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Collin County         476 registered sex offenders

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Dallas County     3839 registered sex offenders

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Denton County     447 registered sex offenders

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Tarrant Count    2600 registered sex offenders

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TOTAL:        7362 registered sex offenders

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Those four counties do not even cover all of the Dallas – Fort Worth (DFW) metroplex.

With more than 7362 registered sex offenders in the DFW area, it is imperative that you teach your children safety tips to prevent childhood sexual abuse.

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If you need more information about how to teach your child about sexual abuse prevention, please contact Kathy Broady LCSW or www.AbuseConsultants.com .

Signs and Symptoms of Childhood Sexual Abuse

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It is very important, when considering signs and symptoms of childhood sexual abuse (CSA), that you use caution and careful judgment. Children, like adults, have a limited number of ways to deal with any stress or trauma. Many of the symptoms of child abuse are also symptoms of other problems.

It is not unusual for children at different developmental stages to have nightmares, experience bedwetting, or ask questions about sex. Some children who are abused, may not express any of the usual indicators of abuse, and may, in fact, be “perfectly well-behaved.” Children who are overly obedient and always seek adult approval can be selected as victims because of their unquestioning obedience to adult authority.

Identifying child abuse is difficult and complicated even for the investigating professionals.

Watch for Signs That Your Child Needs Help
Children may not know or use words about the emotions they are experiencing. Children do not always know how they feel or why they feel a certain way. Sometimes, even when a child has told you about being abused, he/she may not tell everything that happened. Children may express their feelings through behavior.

New Fears
Your child may develop new fears of situations, places, or people. Your child may begin to expect danger to self or others. Your child may become excessively shy.

Anger/Hostility
If children are not allowed or able to express anger towards the abuser, they may take their anger out on others or against themselves.

Sexual Acting Out
Your child may act out sexually. They may show an unusual interest in other people’s or animals’ genitals, or masturbate excessively. They may try to express affection in an inappropriate way, such as fondling private parts.

Sleeping and Eating Problems
Your child may have problems sleeping, nightmares, sudden loss or gain in appetite; they might return to younger, more babyish behavior. For example, a toilet-trained child may begin to wet the bed, an eleven year old may begin to suck their thumb; or a usually independent child may not be able to go to sleep without you in the room.

School Problems
Your child may have difficulty concentrating which can affect school performance. A change in grades or behavior at school is not uncommon.

Loss of Boundaries
Your child’s privacy has been invaded in the most serious way possible and they may not know that they have privacy rights. They may be overly friendly and attached to total strangers, they may tolerate abuse from other children, they may become excessively isolated and withdrawn, or they may become overly obedient.

Self-Destructive Acts
Your child may feel such guilt and shame from the abuse that they take their feelings out on themselves by hurting themselves.

If any of these or other behavioral problems persist and interfere with your child’s ability to live a normal, healthy life, you should consider getting professional counseling for your child and family. How you feel about and treat your child is very important to their ability to heal from the abuse. If you feel calm, guilt-free, and accepting, you can help your child overcome the pain and grow in a healthy way. It is important for you to acknowledge your feelings, but it is also important that you not act them out with your child.

By: Centerforchildprotection.org

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If you live in the northern Dallas Texas area, and you would like more information or assistance with these issues, please contact Kathy Broady LCSW or www.AbuseConsultants.com .

Tips for Protecting Your Children from Sexual Abuse

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There are many things you can do to reduce the risks of your children being targeted by a sexual predator.

Reduce the Risk.

As a concerned and protective parent, educate yourself about the facts related to sexual abuse.

• Abusers often try to earn the trust of potential victims and their families.  This enables them to more easily gain time alone with the children.  Abusers are drawn to settings where they can easily gain access to children: schools, sports leagues, clubs, etc.
• More than 80 percent of sexual abuse cases happen in one-adult/one-child situations. Think carefully before leaving your child alone with one adult. If possible, seek out group situations instead. If you can’t avoid leaving your child in a one-adult/one-child situation, drop in unexpectedly.
• Know the adults that your children come into contact with regularly since a sexual abuser could be among them. Ask questions about your children’s teachers, counselors and coaches if you have any concerns.
• Monitor your children’s internet use. Abusers may use the internet as a tool to interact privately with children, with the ultimate goal of luring children into physical contact.

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Communicate openly with your children:

• Open, honest communication may be the best sexual abuse prevention tip. Communication, early and often, about sex and sexual abuse may decrease your child’s vulnerability to abuse and increase the chance they will tell you if they are abused.
• Always talk to your children about their daily activities. Show interest in their feelings. Encourage them to share their concerns and problems with you. Stay in close touch with your child so you will be aware if something changes in his or her life.
• Teach your children about the body, what abuse is, and about sex. Teach them words that will help them feel comfortable discussing sex with you.
• Explain that no one has the right to touch them in a way that makes them uncomfortable, including adults whom they know and trust. Explain that it is okay to set limits on others who overstep boundaries.
• Teach your children that it’s your job to protect them, and that you can protect them only if they tell you when something is wrong. Explain that people who hurt children may tell the children to keep it a secret. They may tell the children their parents will not believe them. They might threaten to hurt the parents if the child shares the secret. Teach your children that adults who say that are wrong, and that your children can share anything with you.
• Understand how children communicate.
• Children may communicate in a roundabout way by saying something such as, “I don’t like to be alone with Mr. Jones.” They may tell parts of what happened or pretend it happened to someone else to test an adult’s reaction.
• Children who do disclose abuse may tell an adult other than a parent.
• If adults respond emotionally or negatively to a disclosure, children will stop talking.
• Make sure your children understand that if someone does make them feel uncomfortable or confused, you will not blame them. Reassure your children that sexual abuse is never the fault of the children.

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http://www.ehow.com/how_8555_keep-child-becoming.html

http://preventchildabuseny.org/preventsexualabuse.shtml

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Protect your children.  Be proactive in reducing the risk of your children being targetted by sexual predators.

If you live in the northern Dallas Texas area, and you would like more information or assistance with these issues, please contact Kathy Broady LCSW or www.AbuseConsultants.com .

Sex Offenders in the Northern Dallas Texas Area

If you live in Texas, do you know how many sex offenders are located in your local neighborhood?

If not, you can find this information for free through the Texas Sex Offender Registration Program.

https://records.txdps.state.tx.us/DPS_WEB/SorNew/index.aspx

Pursuant to Texas Code of Criminal Procedure Art. 62.005, the Texas Department of Public Safety (DPS) establishes this website [TxDPS Sex Offender Registry] as the official internet public access to the DPS sex offender registration computerized central database.

All information on individual registrants is based on registration information submitted by Texas Department of Criminal Justice, Texas Youth Commission, or various local criminal justice agencies….

All information provided through this website is open record. It may be used by anyone for any purpose….

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While the official count is constantly changing, according to this website, the following lists show the approximate numbers of registered sex offenders living in Dallas and ten of the northern Dallas suburbs at this time:

Allen Texas          40
Carrollton Texas          93
Dallas Texas          2482
Farmers Branch Texas          15
Flower Mound          18
Frisco Texas          22
Garland Texas          280
Lewisville Texas          68
Plano Texas          118
Richardson Texas          31
The Colony Texas          22

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Those numbers are absolutely staggering!!!

Dallas Texas and 10 northern suburbs of Dallas are currently reporting approximately 3189 registered sex offenders.

That’s 3189 sex offenders within less than one hour drive from each other.

Plus, we know that most sex offenders are not caught immediately, and we know that over 30% of the children abused do not disclose their abuse to anyone.

Consequences of child sexual abuse begin affecting children and families immediately. They also affect society in innumerable and negative ways. These effects can continue throughout the life of the survivor so the impact on society for just one survivor continues over multiple decades. Try to imagine the impact of 39 million survivors.

(http://www.darkness2light.org/KnowAbout/statistics_2.asp)

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Do you know what to do to protect your children from being a victim of sexual crimes?

It is imperative that all parents of young children learn more about how to protect their children.  Remember, according to the CDC (Centers for Disease Control and Prevention), the prevalence of childhood sexual abuse is:

• 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18
• 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18

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Sexual predators rely on parents not knowing, not caring, or not believing their children.  As a society, we can undermine the manipulative power of these violent offenders by preparing ahead of time and actively learning more about preventive safety and protection.

I strongly encourage all parents to make it a priority to learn more about ways to protect your children from the horrors of sexual abuse.  With education, and attention, you can make a significant difference in the lives of your children.

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If you live in the northern Dallas Texas area, and you would like more information or assistance with these issues, please contact Kathy Broady LCSW or www.AbuseConsultants.com .

Reporting Sexual Abuse in Texas

Report Suspected Child Abuse

1-800-252-5400
or 911
or www.txabusehotline.org

24 hours a day, seven days a week

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If you live in Texas, Oklahoma, Louisiana, Arkansas, or New Mexico, or anywhere across the United States, call 1-800-252-5400 to report abuse or neglect that has occurred in Texas.

Child Abuse Hotline        1-800 252-5400

In Texas, all suspected cases of child abuse or neglect must be reported to child protective services and/or the local police department. The Texas Family Code 261.101 requires professionals to make a report within 48 hours of first suspecting abuse, neglect or exploitation of children.

If there is any suspicion that a child is being abused, you are mandated by law to report those suspicions to the Texas Department of Protective and Regulatory Services and the police. Anyone “having cause to believe that a child’s physical or mental health or welfare has or may be adversely affected by abuse or neglect” must report the case.

Do not investigate your suspicions by yourself. That responsibility lies with the Texas Department of Protective and Regulatory Services. A report should NEVER be made to the child’s parents. The investigating agency will contact all parties involved.

Anyone who files a report is immune from civil or criminal liability – if the report is made in “good faith” and “without malice.”

• “Good Faith” means the person took reasonable steps to learn the facts that were readily available and at hand.
• “Without Malice” means the person did not intend to injure or violate the rights of another person.

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Failure to report suspected child abuse or neglect is punishable by imprisonment of up to 180 days and/or a fine of up to 1,000.  (Texas Family Code, Chapter 34)

Have the following information available when you make your report:

• Name of the child
• Age of the child
• Address of the child
• A brief description of the child
• Names of other household members – parents, siblings, etc.
• Physical condition of the child
• Current injuries, medical problems or behavioral problems
• Other contact information
• Any other additional information that you can provide.

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The Human Resources code Chapter 48 (48.051) requires a person having cause to believe that an elderly or disabled person is in the state of abuse, neglect, or exploitation to report the information required immediately.

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Important Telephone Numbers:

Child Abuse Hotline        1-800 252-5400

Texas DFPS Office        512-438-4800
(Department of Family and Protective Services)

Texas Runaway Hotline 1-888-580-HELP (4357)

Texas Youth Hotline    1-800-210-2278

Governor’s Crime Victim Clearinghouse 1-800 252-3423

National Runaway Line 1-800 621-4000

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If you need further assistance with these issues, please contact Kathy Broady LCSW at www.AbuseConsultants.com .

More Shocking Statistics about Childhood Sexual Abuse

Protective parenting includes being honestly and genuinely aware that your innocent, precious children have significant risks of being sexually abused by someone you know.  If you are motivated to increase your awareness of this issue and to learn more about the facts, your ability and effectiveness of preventing sexual abuse from devastating the lives of your children will be greatly increased.

The statistics about childhood sexual abuse are shocking:

• 1 in 4 girls is sexually abused before the age of 18.
• 1 in 6 boys is sexually abused before the age of 18.
• 1 in 5 children are solicited sexually while on the internet.
• Nearly 70% of all reported sexual assaults (including assaults on adults) occur to children ages 17 and under.
• An estimated 39 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse exist in America today.

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Even within the walls of their own homes, children are at risk for sexual abuse:

• 30-40% of victims are abused by a family member.
• Another 50% are abused by someone outside of the family whom they know and trust.
• Approximately 40% are abused by older or larger children whom they know.
• Therefore, only 10% are abused by strangers.

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Sexual abuse can occur at all ages, probably younger than you think:

• The median age for reported abuse is 9 years old.
• More than 20% of children are sexually abused before the age of 8.
• Nearly 50% of all victims of forcible sodomy, sexual assault with an object, and forcible fondling are children under 12.

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Most children don’t tell even if they have been asked:

• Evidence that a child has been sexually abused is not always obvious, and many children do not report that they have been abused.
• Over 30% of victims never disclose the experience to ANYONE.
• Young victims may not recognize their victimization as sexual abuse.
• Almost 80% initially deny abuse or are tentative in disclosing. Of those who do disclose, approximately 75% disclose accidentally. Additionally, of those who do disclose, more than 20% eventually recant even though the abuse occurred.
• Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute only 1% to 4% of all reported cases. Of these reports, 75% are falsely reported by adults and 25% are reported by children. Children only fabricate ½% of the time.

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http://www.darkness2light.org/KnowAbout/statistics_2.asp

Statistical information provided by Darkness to Light, a national nonprofit 501c3 organization and initiative – a primary prevention program with the mission of reducing the incidence of child sexual abuse through public awareness and education.  Specific references available upon request.

Darkness to Light’s public awareness campaign seeks to raise awareness of the prevalence and consequences of child sexual abuse. Their ads are a “call to action” encouraging adults to call or go online for free materials that educate adults to prevent, recognize and react responsibly to child sexual abuse.

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If you have questions or concerns about how the issues of sexual abuse are affecting you or your family members, please contact Kathy Broady LCSW at www.AbuseConsultants.com .

Statistics about Childhood Sexual Abuse, part 1

I’ve gathered a variety of information from a variety of sources to show the prevalence and seriousness childhood sexual abuse (CSA).  The stats aren’t exactly the same from source to source, but regardless of any small discrepancies, the numbers are still staggering.

The bottom line is that there is far too much sexual abuse in our communities.

An important element of protective parenting is being aware of this reality.  Automatically assuming your child is safe from sexual predators is dabbling in dangerous denial.  All parents must be fully aware that their own children are at as much risk as the next child.

Please note:  Your children are at the greatest risk from someone they already know.  Most children are not abused in “stranger danger” situations.

Once you truly understand how serious the risks are, it will become vitally clear to teach your children various prevention tips.

Your child’s safety matters!
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• Every day in the United States four children die as a result of abuse and neglect.  During 2006, 227 Texas children died as a direct result of abuse or neglect. (DFPS 2006 Data Book)
• Every ten seconds a child is victimized by abuse or neglect.  During 2006, in the State of Texas, 67,737 children were confirmed to have been victimized by abuse. Closer to home, in Collin County there were 4,155 children alleged to have been abused and 1090 children confirmed as abused. (DFPS 2006 Data Book)
• Prevent Child Abuse America reports that each year the (direct and indirect) cost of child abuse and neglect in the United States is in excess of $94 billion.
• A National Call to Action states that the rate of child abuse is ten times the rate of cancer.
• Almost 96% of children victimized by abuse know their offender; accordingly, less than 4% of children are victimized by a stranger.
• In Dallas County Texas a child is abused every eleven seconds.
• 33% of girls are sexually abused before the age of 18.
• 16% of boys are sexually abused before the age of 18.
• One in three sexual assault victims is under the age of 12.
• 43% of sexual assault victims are ages 6 and younger
• 34% of sexual assault victims are ages 7 to 11.
• 61% of female sexual assault victims are under 18.
• 83% of sexually abused boys are under age 12
• 26% of sexually abused boys are under age 6.
• In most cases, the child knew the sex offender. With girls, 29% were relatives and 60% were acquaintances. With boys, 16% were relatives and 44% were acquaintances.
• Physical force was not used in two-thirds of incestuous abuse.
• For 60% of “sexually active” girls under the age of 14, their only sexual experience has been a sexual assault.
• Children who grow up in a family where there is domestic violence are 8 times more likely to be sexually abused within that family.
• 90 to 95% of all sexual abuse cases are never reported to the police.
• Sexual abuse accounts for 13% of substantiated cases reported to local Departments of Social Services.
• Fabricated sexual abuse reports constitute 1 to 4% of reported cases. Of this, 75% of reports are by adults and 25% are by children.

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Sources:

http://www.cacplano.org/statistics.htm

http://www.dcac.org/pages/education_coalition.aspx

http://www.wingsfound.org/statsChildhood.html

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If you have any questions about these issues, please contact Kathy Broady LCSW at www.AbuseConsultants.com .